I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
