I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
