Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
