cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
