I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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