You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
