How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i believe in u and ur pee
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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