I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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