how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
