between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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