so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
