Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
