You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
