i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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