haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
