I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
nutella sex= disaster
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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