we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Can you bring me the toilet please
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
