Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
