think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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