He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
