I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize