I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
