I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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