Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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