At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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