we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
