Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
