So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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