idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
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it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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