Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
