your thong is hanging out like whoa
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
