Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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