he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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