He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
