Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
