dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
