Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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