I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
True strength comes from lack of pants
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
