this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
