Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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