I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
