Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
