You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
