Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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