Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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