girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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