I could have mohawked her pubes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
