Its about making memories worth repressing
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
