Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
