I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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