Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
