how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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