You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
