Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
