those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize