she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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