I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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