Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
