Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
