he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
this hospital has no fireball
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
