i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
try to milk me bitch
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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