Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wear drunk well.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
