I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
