i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
