I think I won the penis lottery.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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