Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
