So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
