Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
