I CAN MOONWALK!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
