You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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