I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
