i permit you to call me
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
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I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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