ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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