Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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