Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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