I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
