'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
im six kinds of drunk right now
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
