She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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